a letter

Dear Mr Brody,
First I would like to apologise for my last letter and subsequent outburst, both of which were ill-timed. I am pleased that you are taking this project seriously. Most of the time, I am not contacted by actors intent on portraying me and my life story. At least not since "Uncle Walt" lied to me and made me a laughing stock.

So any way, I just wanted to say congrats on your being cast as me and good luck with the movie.

If you were still interested in the real me, here are a few things to note. For starters, remember that I was brought to life after Gepetto made me for one purpose: HIS happiness. My feelings were never taken into account. Sure, Gepetto was a great guy and at was sad that he was old and lonely, but still i want to be clear on that point. Another issue that accompanies a "birth" like mine is paperwork. I had a hell of a time getting a driver's license because I had no birth certificate and further, coming into the world already aged six years, I would look like I was 17 at my 11th birthday. So, imagaine having to deal with that.

And onther thing, I can't find a razor that will last as long as a snow cone on a hot day. See, when "Blue Faery" made me a "Real Boy" she did kind of a half-ass job. I dont have complete human DNA. ANy idea how hard it is to shave when you're half Italian and half Douglas Fir? Pretty hard.

You know, many other facts were changed for "Uncle Walt's" film version of my life. I signed a bad contract hoping for a scene with Annette. I should have tipped my lawyer I guess.

Well good luck with the movie

yours truly,
Pinnochio